I was born in Mumbai and left in an orphanage as a child. Later, my adopted parents informed that I was a frail child with no energy in my limbs and hands. “Even if your father and mother forsake you, I will never forsake nor leave you”. This is where God’s word came alive in my life. “He sets the lonely in families”. My parents adopted me even though they wanted to adopt a different child. I was given to understand that I wasn’t what they wanted. When in the orphanage they passed by me, I raised both my hands and looked at them with longing eyes, at that very moment my father felt a pang in his heart and scooped me up in his arms and that’s when he decided that I was the one he was taking home.
I grew up to be a God fearing girl and very much in love with Jesus at a very young age. At 12, we relocated from Mumbaito Goa. I lost all my friends, missed my church and all the activities I would do in church. I became very lonely with no friends. Slowly I drifted away from God and distanced myself from Him. It was at this crucial time that I learnt that I was adopted and this changed me so much. I became very disobedient, stubborn, hot tempered, arrogant and rebellious. I made a few friends whom I chose very unwisely. I became a very bitter person from within. After my education, I went back to Mumbai and was working there, not caring about what my parents were going through without me. This was the time when God spoke into my heart, very clearly telling me to go back to Goa. I left my job and came back to Goa. Within a year of my coming back, my mother passed away.
I met Abel who was a very wonderful person (but it was only later that I realized he was a man of the world). With him I picked up new habits. Abel’s lifestyle was different from the one that I lived. He was into wine, music, smoking and partying. This was something new to me and with my mother, I was free and took full advantage of this freedom. Rave music, night life, beach parties and the ‘other side of midnight’ as one calls it.In my spirit I knew I was doing wrong but like every teenager, I wanted to fit in and not be left out. Instead of looking up to God I started looking up to Abel who was my husband by now and, I adored him.
Though I drifted away from God who is ever true to His promises; Hedid not leave me nor forsake me. After seven years of marriage,our son was born. Even though I wasn’t a born again Christian at that time God’s promises were already working in my life because “I was already chosen by HIM before time to be HIS”. I had absolutely “no labour pains like the Hebrew women” and in fifteen minutes, Thorne was born. “I was already blessed beyond the curse,” without being aware of it.
After our son’s birth, Abel started feeling very rejected as I couldn’t accompany him or move out with him due to my duties towards our child. I tried to make him understand but he went into depression and started drinking heavily. When our son was one year old, he met with an accident and damaged his nerves. He got partially paralyzed on his right side. On account of this, he couldn’t play his guitar anymore which brought him down further. So much for looking up to a man!
At this point in my life everything was falling apart in my life (I realized that God was actually breaking me to rebuild me and it was a very painful process). I started thinking that all this was happening to me because God was angry with me and He didn’t love me anymore. The father of lies kept hurling lies after lies against me like, “God doesn’t want you, He doesn’t want to see my face anymore because of all the sins I committed against Him were before Him etc., etc.
HOW I CAME TO CHRIST
An old pal of Abel who I had lost contact with, suddenly surfaced into our lives. He was worse than Abel when we last met him but, now I suddenly noticed that he wasn’t the same person, anymore. His wife testified that the change in his life was due to “Jesus”. I thought Abel was any day better than his friend. Surely Jesus will have mercy on us and change him, too. I was filled with a new hope. “That’s why we should (testify) confess with our mouths what the Lord has done for us.”
This is where ROLC –River of Life Church came into our lives. Welly &Tresil came to visit me and I confided in them, my fears and thoughts. I, also poured out my heart telling them how bad Abel was, how he did not care for me or love me, how irresponsible he was as a bread winner by not going to work, he getting drunk and making me go through so much disgrace and hardship, blah, blah. I told them out of desperation that “GOD HAD FORSAKEN ME”
They patiently listened to me and after I finished they told me that no matter what “GOD STILL LOVES ME”. They prayed with me and invited me to church. I faithfully started attending church and was amazed by the way people worshipped by raising their hands, dancing, directly talking to GOD, prophesying, etc. All this made me wonder if this was real or just people playing mind games?
I was in doubt but chose to trust in Jesus whom I knew as a child. I wanted to hear God and feel His love, I was HUNGRY for Him! Sunday after Sunday I faithfully went to church, started reading the Bible, attending home prayer meetings, learning more and more about God. I began wanting to be clean and pure and holy just like Him; start a new life afresh. This is when I got water baptized.
LIFE AFTER BEING BAPTIZED
Life did not change from sorrow to joy instantly. As I prayed every day for Abel to be changed and saved, God revealed to me very lovingly that He was dealing with me and not with Abel. He revealed to me what a wretch I really was. God taught me and in Corinthians 7:13-16, He showed me – “… if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him for the unbelieving husband is made ‘Holy’ through his wife”
Jesus comforted me with His word when afraid (Isaiah 43:2),when hurt (Isaiah 54:4-6).Every day, I cried out to Jesus until one day He spoke to me fromIsaiah 54:7-17– it was a promise and a covenant that I have held onto ever since.
I was still a smoker and though I tried to stop, the tomorrows never came. One day I got down on my knees and asked the Lord Jesus Christ to take away the vice from me. He heard me and in the few days following, He set me free with His Word from Isaiah 2:1-2,11. A 14 year addiction was gone in a fraction of a second not by my will power but His “Word Power”.
Jesus went on to invite me to an abundant life mentioned in Isaiah 55:1-5. He helped me in everything – my job, even the small areas of my life. As the days passed by I learnt to walk, talk with and hear from Jesus. I was falling deeper and deeper in love with Him.
My greatest desire was for the Lord God to heal Abel but “Hiswaysare not our ways”. When Abel passed away, I asked God if that was Hisplan for me. He revealed to me that Abel as a husband gave me the best gift any man could give his wife and that was leaving me in the hands of the Almighty God itself, JESUS CHRIST, who would never let me fall into the hands of the enemy. I am protected and safe forever!
In Psalm 32:8 God promised “I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go. I will counsel you with my eye upon you”
I believe “I SHALL SEE THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING. WAIT FOR THE LORD & BE STRONG. TAKE COURAGE”. Amen